REPLIES:
1. They are all so sad, and looking at something I can't quite see. They don't cry, they just look so empty. Not that I draw happy things anyway. Yours, yours, yours. The eyes have all the emotion just hiding away.
2. Yes, well I do. I do through some narration of my life, then when it comes to the 'now' part, I cry. Now i am nothing. I did so so many things when I was young. All the things none of you ever did, things I am supposed to be proud of, but because now I am nothing people just shake their head and walk on by. I was 5, and I remembered everything. Like John Claire said, 'But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems...'... Then was then. Now I'm a nobody.
3. Haha. Maybe I think too far forward. It's just those things that make you shiver, it's called death. I can cheat myself that it's just eternal sleep ( wasn't that what you wanted? I told myself) but deep down all those things that I read when I was young, science science and more science says NO. Nothing. It's just nothing at all. The nearer, future? Let me tell you about boyfriends in 4. Let me tell you this now. We were bred to be and industralised race. At least I was. I was bred to work and 'contribiute' to society. But part of me don't want to join no rat race. Maybe just live aimlessly... And fade into death.
I have been thinking about death since I was 11. I have been thinking about killing myself for whatever reasons since I was 13.
4. Let me tell you a dream I had two nights ago.
I was in a room, talking to Chris. Talking and talking normally like we usually do until he mentioned something about being roommates with John and how much he hated it. John was in the room, and Chris continued complaining and flared up on his own and started fighting John. I was expecting Chris to save himself, oh yes, but after a while it was pretty oblivious that he was losing, and John was strangling Chris and Chris was going to die.
I just got up and wrestled John away and threw him out of the room and slammed the door, with minimal effort. Then I turned to look at Chris and said, 'well, so much for that.'
The next day the Prince became the King and married a Queen.
'The axe for the King and the sword for the Queen,' someone said. I knew he meant the execution. Well, one day there was a rebellion and they wanted to chop off the King's head with the axe but he got free and cheered while the people took the sword and chopped off the Queen's head.The King didn't care. He was only so happy he was alive. I knew that the Queen could have been me, meaning I could have married the Prince, but I didn't.
So I just turned and walked away and found myself in the snowy world that I dreamt of the night before.
Well, no boyfriends for me.
There were also other dreams where my parents wanted to kill me or make me kill my sister. And my sister would'nt die, she just wouldn't die.And I just kept trying and trying but she still wouldn't die and my father was getting angry. I didn't want to kill her, so I did'nt know if I should be happy or sad, it was just one of the worst dreams ever, the one I couldn't change.
5. I don't know either, you know. What's in for us, what's in it for us later on?
