Since you answered mine it's only fair I answer yours.

1. Are you afraid of losing everyone?
Yes and no. In the end everyone leaves, they all come and go like the wind. They come, we make friends and we all get on well... or maybe.
Either way I know that one day we will all drift apart and I don't mind because there is nothing we can do. What I don't like is losing that before they are supposed to go away, I think that's just upsetting the whole balance.


2. Do you ever wonder about what you did "today" everyday, and think about the consequence of those actions and feel regret?
If it was those days, I just fell like knocking my head against the wall. Other than that I rarely think about anything at all.... anything at all. I just move on into another day and the next and everything is soon forgotten. I can't regret cause it's not my choice. I just live on.... until I realise living on is meaningless and boring.


3. Do you feel as if the world's out to get you? Or at least your family? Examples.
The world only hates you as much as you want them to. Maybe they hate you more if you have the shitty face everyone wants to fuck off this planet, then maybe, but I'm used to not noticing cause it's normal to me for people to hate me at first impression. As for family, I mean, who loves old useless dogs? They ain't cute anymore and they useless. Law says can't dispose. So parents must keep. You know why I like Marigolds? I think it just has all the answers. Enough about that. I think my dreams deep down have all the answers. They always have. After all, you 'read about themselves/in colour'


4. Are you afraid of how your friends would feel if you told them what you have always felt?
Would they listen in the first place? Let me ask you that question. And if you ever find the answer to who really listens, let me tell you: Which one of them is willing to accept what I feel about anything? Probably dismiss me and sterotype me as some emo cum nerd freak who grows up to be those doomslayers living in the streets?
Nah, nah and nah. Instead of letting them listen to my crap lets make them all happy and entertain them, that's what they want, lovers of the moment and insensitive to the surroundings.


5. Why do you analyze your dreams and not leave them alone? Why don't you try to forget?
I don't analyze them because I want to, they just come to me. Nicely attached, with the dream I will never forget. At least it's not some crazy dream, though that is good. I can't forget, I can't forget, even the one where I was handcuffed and drowning and I dreamt that when I was 5, and i still can't forget. Know why? Because in my dream I had control and chose the choices I wanted and one day I took the wrong choice and dropped down a hole and now the God of her dream is now a victim of the other force that took over it.


):

REPLIES:

1. They are all so sad, and looking at something I can't quite see. They don't cry, they just look so empty. Not that I draw happy things anyway. Yours, yours, yours. The eyes have all the emotion just hiding away.

2. Yes, well I do. I do through some narration of my life, then when it comes to the 'now' part, I cry. Now i am nothing. I did so so many things when I was young. All the things none of you ever did, things I am supposed to be proud of, but because now I am nothing people just shake their head and walk on by. I was 5, and I remembered everything. Like John Claire said, 'But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems...'... Then was then. Now I'm a nobody.

3. Haha. Maybe I think too far forward. It's just those things that make you shiver, it's called death. I can cheat myself that it's just eternal sleep ( wasn't that what you wanted? I told myself) but deep down all those things that I read when I was young, science science and more science says NO. Nothing. It's just nothing at all. The nearer, future? Let me tell you about boyfriends in 4. Let me tell you this now. We were bred to be and industralised race. At least I was. I was bred to work and 'contribiute' to society. But part of me don't want to join no rat race. Maybe just live aimlessly... And fade into death.
I have been thinking about death since I was 11. I have been thinking about killing myself for whatever reasons since I was 13.

4. Let me tell you a dream I had two nights ago.
I was in a room, talking to Chris. Talking and talking normally like we usually do until he mentioned something about being roommates with John and how much he hated it. John was in the room, and Chris continued complaining and flared up on his own and started fighting John. I was expecting Chris to save himself, oh yes, but after a while it was pretty oblivious that he was losing, and John was strangling Chris and Chris was going to die.
I just got up and wrestled John away and threw him out of the room and slammed the door, with minimal effort. Then I turned to look at Chris and said, 'well, so much for that.'
The next day the Prince became the King and married a Queen.
'The axe for the King and the sword for the Queen,' someone said. I knew he meant the execution. Well, one day there was a rebellion and they wanted to chop off the King's head with the axe but he got free and cheered while the people took the sword and chopped off the Queen's head.The King didn't care. He was only so happy he was alive. I knew that the Queen could have been me, meaning I could have married the Prince, but I didn't.
So I just turned and walked away and found myself in the snowy world that I dreamt of the night before.
Well, no boyfriends for me.
There were also other dreams where my parents wanted to kill me or make me kill my sister. And my sister would'nt die, she just wouldn't die.And I just kept trying and trying but she still wouldn't die and my father was getting angry. I didn't want to kill her, so I did'nt know if I should be happy or sad, it was just one of the worst dreams ever, the one I couldn't change.

5. I don't know either, you know. What's in for us, what's in it for us later on?

REVIVE-
lets put some crap into this thing and keep it going for at least a while.

________________________________________________________

Typing in the computer, slamming her crammed fingers onto the keyboard, all the keys all too small for her fingers. Her eyes glowed with the reflection of the screen, with an occational hiss from her lips, parched from three hours of dehydration.
Then the sharp jolt in her head, making her reel over in surprise. She lay there for a few seconds, head collasped on the keypads, making a "hbiiblkhdshbgnkjbnjdabgkadbgk" on the screen. her hands were held above her head, twitching in sync to her pulse.
'Evil Twin,' she managed to gulp, as her exact self materialised beside her. ET shrugged. 'You can keep on calling me your twin as long as you like, you know I'm nothing but your inner conscious.'
She gulped up for air, and began furiously tapping on the Backspace button on her keyboard.
ET looked over her shoulder, nodding and 'hm...'ing to itself.
After twenty seconds and three occasional slams on the keyboard, ET cleared its throat to make a statement. 'The internet connection is slow. Your little laptop is too small and slow.' Pleased with itself, ET sank back into its seat with a smile.
She tensed over, every muscle and nerve and bone of her spined moaned as she arched into a perfect graph curve (y=2x+3-x) and let loose a torrent of words in one short breath, bending her spine back into a straight line, her arms just as straight.
'WELLEVILTWINNOTLIKEICANHELPITTHATTHISPUNYTHINGCALLEDANETBOOKISSMALLANDDESIGNEDFORONLYTHEINTERNETFUNCTIONANDTHATISTILLCANTDOTHATJOBWELLOK!!!??'
ET shrugged, copying her trademark 45degree slouch into the chair. 'I don't see why you have to use this laptop, then.'
She looked over the netbook at her endorphine-high sister, punching the keyboard with an unusally high enthusiasm, eyes hypnotised and mouth twisted into a dreepy grin that you can only imagine if you have a computer-addict family member, or a mirror.
ET nodded. 'So much for age being the lead factor in family power here.'
She shrugged and went on smashing the keypads on her netbook.
ET groaned. It picked up a notebook near the mouse and started reading it. 'The kingdom of Angkor ranged from 802 to 1491 AD, had many kings and blablablalba.' It tossed the notebook back on the table.'You should improve you handwriting. Illegible...scrawl.'
She twisted her head slowly to her right, so slowly that after five minutes you felt that if she wanted she could twist her head 360degrees round and back again.
ET, being her Conscious, did not find this very creepy at all.
She growled, and snatched the notebook from the table, and put it somewhere else on the table.
She then turned her head back to face the screen, just as slowly. But instead of smashing the keyboard, she slouched 45degrees into her chair.
Both mortal and conscious stared at the empty space between their eylids with their eyes open until a voice from Behind the Blueberry yelled at them to go to sleep.
And so they did.

___________________________________________________________

And so concludes today's story of a girl and her Evil Twin.
I wonder if there's more tomorrow.
Hm.....

You're never too young to work, but nobody really realises that.
Proboably gonna drop of from school or something and earn some $$$.

Falling, dying, falling, falling, its death both ways.
The more you think about it, the scarier it becomes.

Dancing along the sands of time,
Falling into a sweet embrace,
As the bridge of dreams crumbles and breaks,
Entering into golden gates.

Enter the city of darkness yet shining so bright,
the moon no brighter than the lights below.

Did I hit the ground or did he get to me first I will never know.

I wonder how's it's like to love to learn.
It had to do with the stars so many long years ago, in Darkrai's domain.

Bleah.

Nothing much, nothing much.

Oh, why does life have to go on.

1 day of darkness: 24 hour's non-stop ectasy.
6 months of darkness:Eternal Heaven.

Oh, why does life have to go on.
Can't it stop, just for once.



Only in darkness can you see the light.
And the glorious fridge.

Tomorrow's the Day of Darkness. At least for some.
It's the same old day for us anyway.

What do I see?
Everything, except so much more.

Fe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he

Like nobody knows what's happening anymore.
There's this and there's that and there's no more.
Days pass.
More days pass.

More and more days pass.
...

Fe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he

And it will continue like this for no bounds.

And then I can pretend that nothing happened and go on with life.
I can go on and pretend to be the unsensitive girl I have always been because nothing happened.

I can also pretend to be sensitive like everyone else and probe into the smallest matters and make a damn big fuss about it.

But I think it's better that I go on pretending like how I did for all my 14 years.
And then I can pretend that nothing happened and go on with life.



Oh no, I'm not angry. I rarely get angry. I'm just pissed. There is a difference.

Two days ago was SYF, we laughed and smiled all the way there but it all made way to fear.
We suddenly felt so nervous and silent, the usual laughter wasn't there anymore.
And we panicked.
Messed up quite a bit but it was, well, everything. Everyone thought we would get only gold. The pessimistic ones( including me), silver.
So we went to watch the other schools and laughed at them all. But some were really quite good.
We almost forgot about the whole thing until the end of the day, and we started panicking all over again.
Because we trashed talked to the other CCA's before, (mostly CO and band), if we got silver it would really break our face.
'Gold is good enough,'
We kept on telling each other that but we knew it wasn't enough.
The results announcement was delayed buy a few minutes, and we listened to the other school's results. Most of them got silver.
Then when the man announced SECOND DAY, we all groaned. None of us really wanted to hear it.
When he got to CHUNG CHENG HIGH MAIN, Yiying screamed.
The man smiled, then said the five most beautiful words ever.
Jing Pai Rong Yi.

We screamed noonstop and most of the seniors cried.
After manymany years of silver, a gold with Honours.
GOLD WITH HONOURS.
The luck of the chopstick and my holey wood.

The next few hours were like a dream, sheer happiness, drifting around with big grins on our faces.Laughing, laughing nonstop.

The happiest days of our lives.



And today I found a $5 note, just when I thought I was going to starve tomorrow.
Life seems so much happier than before.

Now it's my turn to laugh in your face.

I choose the path far away and ended up in Hortpark, in an all too familiar atmosphere that I hate.
But I has there anyway, the only one from ChungChengHigh, appearing alone without parents or friends or whoever. I registered, and got a 2kg goodie bag, and sat near the toilet (beause I knew no one else would sit there) and drew.
Took a good hour-and-a-half.
Screwed up in the colouring, wasn't satisfied but passed it up anyway.
Waited for a boring one hour, saw my entry being shortlisted. From afar it looked unskilled and boring, not like the other catchy colourful ones from students from art clubs.
Boo! I won consolation.
Me, with my baggy jeans and black shirt, all sorts of chains and charms dangling from my neck, and the heavily contrasting pigtails (or bunnytails) walking up to the stage.
Some people exclaimed, I heard a laugh.
But who cares?
Everyone except me and a Manjuri Secondary guy (MSG) were from Raffles Girls.
The MSG was really intrested in the swing picture and asked me if I did it.
I said no.
I pointed mine out. Couldn't see it from here though.
After that all we went home, everyone got really excited.
MSG telling this interviewer about how he always gets consolation.
Girl in front of me (she's 9) deciding to donate all her prize money ($400..) to charity.
Wow. Model parent. Model child.
Parents really excited, and sis keeps on bugging me.
Telling me I should join something National.
I guess I should join something national, like the National Toilet Bowl Design Competition.
And I'll win cause I'm the only one joining.

Ahahaha.
Childish Emotions.

Ahahahaha.

Everything went well again.
Evaded Detention threats 3 times.

After school I was left with Jie Ting to stare at the clock.
John and Benny ans Stephanie were inside and were talking about the photo in Qi Xuan's phone that Charles 'confiscated' and used to attempt blackmail yesterday.
After a while John and Stephanie left arm in arm.
I asked Jie Ting: Can you see yourself doing that?
She shook her head.
Neither did I, I said.

Came late to Guzheng. The sec 4s were doing motivational talk.
Ann was really excited and talked really fast.
Then Xue Chen talked about the one-chopstick-alone-will-break,-but-many-chopsticks-in-a-bunch-wont.
Then she gave us each a magic chopstick, blessed with love and hope and good thoughts.
It was all curvy and crooked but it was still magic, and we went outside to do our cheer and somehow the possibility of getting gold-no, not gold but GOLD WITH HONOURS- seemed nearer and nearer, because we were a family, a real big happy family.

Holey wood+Magic chopstick= Double luck.

There will be good days. Yes there will be.

For once I made them happy.
Even if it was only for 5 seconds, they were happy.

Everything is going right today, not exactly perfect but still good enough.
Felt a little better than yesterday.

Ahahahaahahahahaha.


BUT THERE ARE STILL BAD THOUGHTS IN MY MIND.
AND WRONG things but ahh who cares.

Looking forward. Not gonna ever look back,
And all those who stay behind will remain behind.

The more I think about it, the more possible it becomes.

I can see me, with a torchlight, or maybe with none at all, acting all brave and fearless when I know I'm not.
When I feed off other peoples facination and fear, leading the way and persuading-pleadingly and desperately-for them to continue feeding me with strength.

But I can see myself this time, with noone to follow me, asking them to do me a simple favour-please open the flap and let the sunlight fall through-and crawl in a little less scared.
Then something would have happened, and they would have ran, and the flap would shut.

Then I can see me, alone in the darkness and deciding to press on.
And on and on until I see an end.
It was a room, like they said, something like that, as soon as you step into it your torchight flickers out.

I'll let my imagination get better of me and huddle in a corner, waiting for ghosts with eyelashes and big smiles to come get me.
Then I'll get real hungry and decide to move forward and not turning back, like I should.

Then I see daylight, in the crack under the door like the time in the rifle room, and I'll feel better and try to get out.
Of course it won't be locked because doors should never be locked in the first place.

Then I'll see-
I dunno what I'll see but it'll be good and I'll live there forever.
And part of me will be saying 'I told you so' (me and my big grin)
Then you won't feel so bad.

And both sides will live happily ever after, one on this side, and one on the other.
The End.

The more I think about it, the more possible it becomes.

Ah.... Just.

The 'evil' in me is growing.
If the 'evil' you take to be hate.

Maybe it's just jealousy... nah.
There are so many things I have that you will never have.

All things can be cracked open.
Including a heart.

EVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILHATEEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEVILEIVLHATEEVIL.
...

Never again will I share the secrets of my world to you.
Wait. I have never shared it to anyone.
Ah well.

.... Forget all and start over.
Damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamdadamndmadnmnddang.

Now I stay silent.
Nothing more.

It was so cool.

When Katari and Kasumii went to choir, we continued talking about the Hole and the room.
Then ShiJin told us about the basement, so after a while we went to look. It was the scouts storage area actually, but our own imagination scared us silly. I took a bamboo stick to encourage the others.
The lights were off and it was real scary. Made the room look bigger than it actually was.
There was a picture: OUR FOUNDER, SIR HARRY something something.
I touched it.
Nothing happened.
Went to next room. Now this one was big.

It was the shooting range. On the right was the ARMOURY. With three big padlocks there. They must have REAL guns.
Could hear the canteen from there.
Continued and found a hallway, there was a door with the light but we could'nt open it. So we went back and up into daylight. It was fun.

In Guzheng we played around with the fake hair.

Oh hohoho.
Finally.
Man... It took forever to make this skin, and it sucks.
All the everything's wrong and all...
Jeez.

Detention tomorrow.
maybe can sleep.
At last...

I know I'm lagged but ah well I am lazy...
Lets get started(ps this net lappy is weird.)

THURSDAY:
Started off from school to Yanqings house. Boarded the bus.
Played Kirby on Chilins DS.
Everyone else made noise pollution.
Reached a bus stop. Realised it was near me grandmothers house. Walked a long way to Yanqings house.
Squeezed into a lift. Kai Jie spammed the buttons and said 'Fuck you' to the video cam in the lift.
Squeezed out. Had to take off our shoes and put them in a row.
Chilin said 'suck your dinosaur balls' for the last time outside the door.
Said "hello Auntie" in union.
Went in. Chris went to change.
Kai Jie fiddled with the piano and Dominic went to play maple.
Did halo with Yanqing and Raphell.
Yanqing killed me.
Then I killed Yanqing.
Found Yanqing again and wanted to kill him but got stunk in a giant fan and was chopped in half.
Chris took over. I went to change.
Came back. Heard my name being mentioned.
Played wii. Did bowling. Chris kept on winning.
Played Kirby again.
Then Chilin Chris and me shared Raphells PSP.
The PSP ran out of batt on Chris' turn.
Played wii again. First we did go carting, then tennis. Kept on hitting out. Swung too hard and hit Chris with the wii.
Played bowling again. It was already 12. So yelled at each other while playing.
In the end we left for tampines mall.
Took bus (not after getting lost). Got restless after a while. Took MRT instead.
Reached Tampines Mall.
Raphell suddenly said 'They should clothe these things.'
Looked around and saw naked mannequins.
All of us looked away.
'You didn't have to say that,' Chris said.
Thought Mii and Wii were going to scold us. They didn't. But blamed everything on Raphell anyway.
Went to buy tickets for movie. Ate.
Went to arcade. Topped a high score.
Went to watch movie. Super long. Halfway spilled nachos on Chris, cheese and all. He put them back on the tray. Raphell ate some.
Went to do neoprints. Crammed and sucky.
Did arcade again. Nearly won Chris at racing.
Mii and Wii went off.
Waited for Chris and Raphell to finish their games. Raphell was battling a total stranger. Chris battled the NPC. Chris trashed the NPC. The stranger trashed Raphell.
Went home.
Tired but still played maple with Chilin.


FRIDAY:
After school played Kirby.
Then did RP Idol with Rui Zhong as only contestant. We were all judges.
Rui Zhong failed all his songs except one which was something among the lines of 'ayiayiai, youre my little butterfly'.
He danced and sang. Real funny. Gave him perfect score.

Crammed on the bus home.
Saw Temasek Primary School. They painted the Fitness Corner.
The posts were painted red. Red, for the colour of the blood of those uncarefull and fallen, with cuts big and wide that gave children as young as ten scars, real scars, with stiches and all. And the insurance that came with it all, to cover the stiching and everything. And there would be this girl, this certain girl, that would come across anyone she met and proudly lift her chin up and say 'fourteen stiches.' And the response was always the same. And she liked it. It was like a battle scar, it was a battle scar, and the cut was 3cm, with 14 stiches which was alot, or at least that was what everyone said. It didn't seem like alot to her. And years and years and she had lifted her chin infinite times but it still wasn't enough. The girl was proud of her scar. Very proud. And she still is.

ok... the one important parts of yesterday:

1. I burnt my soup. Let's not talk about that.

2. I was wet, but at least I got to dry(haha).
It stopped raining but as soon as I walked out the gate it started.
So me and Caleb and Chilin and Dominic rotated around two umbrellas.
In the end lazy Caleb ran and Chilin was screaming about his hand and the umbrella was useless.
When we got to shelter (the late night store) Chilin then realised he had a raincoat. After blaming and all, we went to Lucky to dry up and eat potatoes and play insane Naruto.

10 seconds as Sakura to beat Third Hokage with max handicap against you.
Then the screaming and Chilin yelling 'Don't touch me, you dirty old man,' only made it look sick.

After that we needed to go home.
THE END.

p.s. i left out some parts cause i'm hurrying.

...
I never said anything about death.
Because it's more than you think it is...

Because you hate me for everything that I am.
And what's that?

I'm
unsure
unstable
silent
emotionless.

Or maybe what's left of me. Or maybe that's me. The me I've been looking for all long.
I dunno. I dunno anything anymore.

Late nights and endless days just leave me in a even blanker state that before, and before, and before.
I can't sleep but if I do I can't wake up.
...
oh...dang.

...

no SPORE. D:

....

Dear Kilin,
I have not heard from you in a long, long time. So I ask: How are you doing?Is everything ok? I know you can never stay in one place for long, so you've probably been everywhere and seen alot of things within this period of time. But whatever it is, I hope you are doing okay.
Whenever I think of you, I see you with your eyes closed and that dreamy, timeless expression that used to make me a little worried whernever I saw it, because it meant that you were far away somewhere in the skies, sometimes in the clouds, sometimes amongst the stars. You know, once I actually wanted to join you there because you looked so happy, so contented that I thought you might never want to open your eyes because life was so much happier there.
During those times when we were exploring, sometimes you would react to situations rather...childishly, with nonsensical reasoning and all. Somehow I thought the dreaming had done to your head and had tried to shake some sense out of you. Little did I know that you would open the door for me, give me my wings and set me free. I think you were lonely, or maybe I gave you the key so you could open the door for me, because I was the Boy Who Sits in the Shadows ans Smiles, because I was too afraid to do anything. Whatever it was, now I can get lost in the stars like you did and maybe I'll find you there, drifting, with that smile and all, I guess I have to thank you for that.
Well, I tell you honestly, I am happy, this 'contented happy' as you so put it. But I am a little lonely, and that's why I wrote to you in the first place. So, are you happy? I still remember those moments of sheer ectasy, when everything you always wanted came true, because the world wasn't as bad as you thought and the truth was that I wished on a shooting star for you, but it doesn't really matter. Tears were coming out of your eyes, rolling down your cheeks, each teardrop so pretty and shinier that diamonds, because they were tears of joy, cause when you get too happy your heart hurts in a good way but the tears still come out. You know what I mean.
I've always liked your eyes. Even though there was only one eye I could see, it shone with emotions more than any other eyes I've come across. When it was happy, I liked it, but when it was full of hope I liked it even more. You kept on saying everything was futile but yet you hoped for all kinds of things; I could see them all, I could tell. It was one of those ways you used to make yourself feel strong, because you thought that was how you were supposed to be. You are strong, but not that type of strong. It's those type of strong that everyone wants to be but just can't. Not muscles, which can be built up over time, but more of something that was born within. But then maybe you really thought that everything was futile but you were still clinging on to that last ray of hope inside you. I dunno.
I found the little amulet you gave me long ago, when you thought we were parting ways forever and gave me something to remember you by. Remember the little carvings on the amulet that we couln't figure out? well, I went to an expert and he deciphered it. I forgot the language, but it said simply: Some things were built to last forever. So I guess you were wrong, Kilin, when you said that nothing lasts forever. Some things will surpass even time and space itself, and will continue on and on. Maybe it's time to live life all over again, but this time the way you wanted it with all the bad parts left out.
Well, there's not much else to say, but I think if you were to see me again, the silence would tell you everything you need to know, even more than what I'm telling you know. You should visit sometime, I'm always gonna be here, unless you need someone to accompany you to the place you want to go, then I'll be next to you, behind your back to catch you when you fall.
You know, I'll never forget what you told me that night, when you opened up all my possibilities: Even though stars are not forever, big or small, from the start to the end, they shine all the way through. Well, if that's the case, then you're a really shiny star, fallen from the heavens to help people glow from inside out, forever.
Thank You.

Yours Truly,
Irithen



Don't ask me why I'm doing this.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

out of five days at school, only ONE day i got to eat something. if this continues... all my lifetime of fats will be gone. and i wont be cute and round anymore. Gah.

SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN SCHOOL STARTS!!
IS IT MONDAY OR FRIDAY?!!?

GAHHHHHHHHHHH

Killing each other over a stupid game. If the game didn't kill you first.
In the end when it's all gone it's just a stupid game anyway. Don't tell me you don't know.

After all in those dreams it was my sister and not anyone else. The FatMan and the SkinnyRetard running back and forth, the Beep and everything, me and her.

Then I become the silent one, because I can't do anything. Even if I could, it's your fight, not mine. Who am I to take sides? Because in the end you're both wrong. It's just a stupid game.

Am already talking to myself, I always listen. Because I read about ourselves and everyone and I find that I may have just crossed the line between madness and sanity.

Sympaty and Siren look so sad. Maybe I should give their box a wash. And change the veggies.

And it's all soooooooo darrrrrrrrrrrrrrk.....
Cause I don't look up.

Seriously, I really think I won't make it past this year.

They say that some people can fortell their own deaths. Somehow I think it's coming. Maybe I'll live beyond this year, but I won't live long.

I won't make it past my 15th birthday. If I do I'm blessed.

Probably the most boring days of the year.
There's no point in going to school, really. Just laze around and do... nothing.

I'm tending to ignore the world around me. These people don't exist anymore.
Hate me if you want, I'm still here, still laughing in your face and there's nothing you can do about it.
Don't think I don't know. I know what you're thinking, enough for me to know what's going on.
I'm not stupid.

Because I laugh and smile and act all happy and cheerful doesn't mean I'm all that innocent and happy.
I can go away if you want to. You just have to tell me and you'll never hear from me again. I can go on without talking to you, meeting you. I can make you a stranger as fast as I made you a friend.

...
WHY IS IT IN FREAKING CHINESE?! I DIDN'T DOWNLOAD THE CHINESE VERSION!!!
...
Heck.
...
...

Gah. Now I'm bored.
....

THIS OLD COM IS FASTER THAN MY MUM'S LAPPYTOPPY!
WHAT CRAP!

And today Kerii got spoaked in 100day old water.
...Gah. I'll go try Forbidden City.

I like this keyboard.
Bleah.
OLD age keyboard .



Bye.

I can't really realise that I'm studying. Bleah.
And I get so caught up there's like not enough time.

And at home I can't concentrate and feel like sleeping.
Maybe there's no wind, I also can't study in the library.
I stop drawing, it gets me nowwhere.
Probably something I'll do when there really is nothing to do. Not that I may feel like drawing anyways.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Maybe that's why memories of school is mongmong for me. Even this morning's school is forgotten.

You Are More Cutthroat Than You Think

Yes, you do have that killer instinct lurking in you. And while you may not be actually cutting throats anytime soon... You certainly don't mind clawing your way to the top.

RRRAWWWWARR~ hahaha.

Your Life Is Worth...

$1,199,000

Buy me. I dare you.

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

BBBWWWAAAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA!!!!*scary music comes on*
DADUMDADUMDADUMDADUMDADUMDADUMDADUM~

ok. enough for now. KUNGFUPANDATIME!!!!!!
HHIIIYYAAAAHHH!!!

...

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten the butter cookies.

Today teachers day. Did the workout for 20 min, then flooded into the hall.
Noisy.
Didn't sit in the front. Rare.
The MCs came on and told us to stand for the teacher's proccession.
They come in welcomed like president, all the clapping and the NPCC welcoming them.
Saw the concert. No comment. Like all others.

Then mooched off to concourse to say goodbye to Fallen ( paper ).
After that bought chips ( again ). Then waited for Monisha to go to TPS together.
Stuck outside till one cause the security guards dun wan to let us in.
Finally they lets us go to the canteen only.
But the urge was so strong, the rest of us ended up trooping to 6F.
Was told ' Your story in Expressions! ' many times.
Then we got too noisy and the guards found out, chased us away.
Traffic Jam at second floor. So jam there lor. Talk somemore.
Mdm D decided to go home so we escorted her to her car, put the stuff in her bag, went to the canteen to talk again.
2 o'clock.
Everyone going home. So waited for Gen and Jing until I was hungry and went to eat at the nearby mama shop.
Sheryl still there.
So I buy food eat, Gen called me, saying that the guards told them I went home liao ( yes, the guards remember me ) so I went to the playground to play with them for a while.
5 o'clock. Went home in dad's car. ( no, sadly, I did not drive. )

Here. Tada.
Still sore from that 3min+ scream. ( see AFK blog for more.)

Finally!

Less than enough time to make a quick one.

Teacher's days is coming up soon so it's probably the only time to vist my primary school after that-that- mrs. rangit thought it was so fun to hold magicland at east cost park.



And I'm trying very hard ( ya right ) to study but I won't.

Watch me ace that first 听写test for the first time in 8 months, miichan.

Bah.

Oniing and offing the light again and again and again and again.
My pants almost dropping out liao.
Might as park at the switch lars!!.

Image googled Kasumi.
Instantly typed in a extra 'i' after that yeas?
I don't watch hendai.

'ta must have been something in the water.
Now I'm sick. And for more than one day.
Other than when I caught chicken pox, I never took that long to heal.

Now Mii-chan is sick, and she too drank that disease-tinted bottle of water.
There was a weird smell to it anyways.

I've been sleeping, eating, attending to my needs,sleeping, eating, sleeping attending to my needs, sleeping......
And if I move, my head will become giddy.
GAHHHH.

Ok.Ok.

I know a lotta people out there like Neji. So, yea....

Like him as much as you want, man.
Kurii knows I'm NEVER gonna be a Neji fan.

I thought it was hair, man......

Yoz...
I dun have the paper with me now, so I'll post the quizzes later.

Today came home and laughed at every little thing that happened.
Started a chopstick fight with my sis but we didn't get very far.
So my sis started asking stupid questions.

Sis: Why Naruto when he's at the academy always show his class never Nenji's?
Me: 'cause Naruto main character mahss...
Sis: But then what if people want to see Nenji how?
Me: *waves question away* who cares about Nenji? yakyakyakyayakyakyakyakyayakyakyak
Sis: Nenji's mum.
Me: *tries even more to wave the damned question away* Who else cares about Nenji anyways?
( Now here onwards is pure imagination)
Sis: Ummm... * points behind*
Me: ?
TapTap.
Me: * turns around* Oh... Hi.... Nenji's mum?
POW

And you can guess the rest.
:3

I'mma girl who lives in the light.
Living every day then at dusk, I dream of a world brighter than my own.
At night, it's too dark to imagine.

Ok. ok. Muad's Epitath.

Here lies Muad
If his death was nearer
People agree
The world would feel alot bigger.



Lawls.
Got caught pwning his supp.

Who cares anyway.
Todays tio detention.

Pass notes to Kasumii.
Then started making quizzes.
She hit me. 'cause it too outragous lawls.

Well...
Off to train noobs.
Lawls.

Oh yars..
A final notes to all AFKers:
If your heart is strong, your spirit high,
Eventually the fishball will die.

Cramming last minute work.
Wanting to play maple instead, but under the watchful eye of that... monster evil person ah beng.... dad.
Kinda fed up with maple though. Some people won't level even though they're sooooo noooooooooooooooob.....

More endless chinese scribbles.

今天我在课堂上学到了日本人和古埃及人对宠物很好，古埃及人为了猫而失去了国家，日本人愿意在宠物的身上花很多钱，让宠物开心一点。古埃及人不能伤害猫，也不能杀它。他们的敌人要侵略埃及的时候，他们抱着猫，埃及人不能杀他们，怕会伤害了猫，还把埃及的门打开，应为怕敌人抱了猫打倒门时，猫会被伤到。
日本人以古埃及人都爱宠物如命，但我认为古埃及人的做法不正确，为了猫也投降了自己的国家，他们对宠物的爱是太夸张了。但日本人呢，有些人没有孩子，只能给宠物对孩子一样的爱。但我觉得他们应该是在宠物上花了太多钱了，把宠物当上‘小皇帝’一样，认为宠物要什么就给，就这样花了很多钱。
我很想养宠物，可是我家里的鱼都死掉了，但如果我能养其它宠物，像狗还是猫，我是不会在它身上花那么多钱。我觉得宠物像人一样，也可能会当你最好的朋友，但我也不会在朋友身上花那么多钱，也不应该在宠物身上花太多钱。宠物，像朋友一样，要保护，疼爱，等等，应为对宠物最好也许不是用钱来买的。

Hmm... okay this is homework but... who cares.
It's chinese scribbles all the same.

Sian....
Since I can't scribble on the Yellow Book anymore, guess I'll scribble on my blog then.
It's not a habit, I wouldn't do it if I had a choice.

城市的发展与建设向来要在取舍之间，找不可能没有代价的平衡。如果每一座带有感情的建筑物都要保留，新的理想找不到施展的空间；如果什么都可以拆除，历史与记忆无法形成。受地铁线建造工程影响，下一座必须让路的建筑是有55年历史的新七楼层酒店。对一座建筑来说，55年也许不够长久，只要不受破坏，时间可以完成历史的价值。说过了，可以不拆当然不拆，既然决定要拆，就不能不拆。添加了遗憾与无奈，记忆才有坐标。

Read it. I dare you. WAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAA

Oops. Got carried away.

Here's another scribble. This one has mistakes and missing words though. But enough words for you to understand if you wanna read it.
And you maybe won't. Unless you're mad.

瑞典南部的一小学生不久前邀请班上同学参加生日会时漏请两人，结果被同学指责同学。时件惊动瑞典议会，个引起社会对“公民自由”的热烈辩论。该名8岁男童在课堂上分发生邀请卡时，教师发现两名同学没有受邀，随即没收了所有的邀请卡。学校表示，男童侵犯了两名同学的个人权利，学校必须确保校园没有的情况。男童父母辩称，儿子不邀请两名同学是因为其中一个人办生日会时没有请他去，另一个人则欺负过他。男童父母表示，学校无权没受邀请卡，这跟夺走个人信件一样恶。瑞典最近被评选为全球最适合孩子成长的国家，但地民众对儿童权益非常关注。当地报章民意查显示，在这起事件中，56%的人支持男童，认为他有权决定参加深日会的人选；44%则认为学校的做法是正确的。学校和男童父母已分别向瑞典议会和议会调查员投诉。议会调查员预料在9月作出裁定。


Oh. It has alotta mistakes.
Thinking about a new design for a Strawberry Blogskin.
The ones I can find are mostly pink or too weird to be a strawberry.
I'll think up something.

The stuuuupid e-learning. I can't log in OR try to reset my password. They need OfficeOutlook which is
a) not installed on the laptop OR
b)belongs to my father with a password I can't hack into.

And that means I just have to prepare myself for detention for... the next few days.
And maybe do service to the school. Cleaning toilets and all that.

I wonder if there's a neopets blogskin...
WOW. They DO have it. 无聊, these people.
Hmmm..... Hehehehe....
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Yunshi is a BOY!!! go google images and see.
and least yanqi's all girls. (:

There's a suicidal person name KASUMII, a club ... hmm....

...


An alien race, the KURII, wish to conquer both worlds?!

http://members.aol.com/UbarLuther/Scroll13.html
check. cool story. WAHAHHAHA
:3

hey. they REALLY exist. Yup.


I'm 无聊ing yawls.


BYE. (:

There! a less EMO, more hyper (and cute) skin. (:

I spent so much time reediting...
Not a computer geek mahs..

I'm saying this only once: I'm on strike.

Until I get what I want, I won't post and will Maple against people's wishes.

Don't ask me what I want. I don't know either.

But I'll know when I get it.

I wanted to sms you but...lets just say something happened to my phone.

So I hope you read this.

Happy Birthday~ my dear Gen~
Wish you good luck for everything you do and hope things go well~
Love~ Your Jie~

Bug :3

Truly me.

For the first time ever, they decide to hold Colours Of Life in East Coast Park.
Does'nt that cost money?!
When did they become so rich?! Ok,maybe they do have alot of money but to hold it somewhere else-
It has always been held at school! And it should always be.
Think of all the secondary school students, stranded outside of school, hoping to meet their teachers and old schoolmates, only to find the event's in East Coast Park.
But then, I don't have to pwn CCA.

1 point.

And I'm so lazy~
I rarely blog~

And it's not dead, Kasumii. Not yet. At least the tag's alive~

I love you Kurii, you wan me tag which blog? Your old one or the secret( =3 )one?

:3

Let's just say everyone is stressed with last-minute work to hand in.
So late and yet still up.

And someone thinks my blog is dead.
Heard of L-A-Z-I-N-E-S-S, girl? Yep.
That's what happened. Another reason is...
B-A-N-N-I-N-G.
That's what happens if your marks are too low.

My personal reflection is terrible. Two hours, and all I can think about is this:

My Personal Reflection
After my visit to the Bollywood Veggies, I learnt that it practices subsistence farming. There are many types of vegetables that they produce, some which have medical properties, for example, Horse Radish Tree, Ginger, and Basil.
They also specialize in ‘fruit vegetables’, like lady’s fingers, corn, and cucumbers. They also claim to be organic, and do not use any chemicals, fertilizers,
pesticides or growth hormones.
They claim to grow the most variety of vegetables and fruits, especially bananas and papayas in Singapore, and also claim to grow the hottest chili padi on the island.
They harvest their produce and either sell or cook them in their bistro.
Their farm attracts many kinds of insects, like butterflies and dragonflies. They have an assortment of animals in their lily pond as well, including fishes and mosquitoes.
Their land is rather small compared to other farms.
I think their farm is very well laid out, and the names they give their toilets are very innovative and creative, and you can ‘relive yourself in a natural, green and free surrounding’.

If you didn't read, I can understand. I don't even want to read myself.

And I have no printer. Great.

Ok, I do, but it ain't working.

All I do is complain.

I hate myself.

Not that I care about my banning. If I ever care about anything at all.
But then again, this boredom makes people do crazy things. Really crazy things.
And here I am, writing about nothing.
My computer is so slow... And it can't take multitasking.

I have an urge to play Maple, and get hold of my DS.

And I never was slow, just lazy. I can go fast if I want to. But I don't want to.
My energy reserves are always low, and I use very little.

Today I'm feeling specially... slow. To do everything slowly...
Sluggishly.

And I (at last) am saving, but rather slowly. For something. Not telling.

My computer won't keep quiet.

I'm revisiting the old.

My turn.

Kasumi
Age:12+
Bio:Cheery. The LittleWaterPrincess. Has good imagination. There's this Kasumi girl she made up who's not only a Water Princess, but a pureblood vampire as well. I'm not having any spoilers.
And she can draw her really well.
Better than me.
Loves my Blob, Bob.

Kelly
Age:13
Bio:Outstanding. Finds alot of things 'cute'. Embarks on a Kuri comic but can't seem to get started.
Maple Pro. I can never beat her. Tried to hang me once.
Likes Bob too.

Molly
Age:12
Bio: (I'm starting to feel tired.) Cute, chubby. Um. Sorry Molly, but I have to complete this later. I'm tired.

Again, sorry.

On Saturday we were supposed to hold a farewell party for the Sec 4's.
So we did. I supposed they already knew about the surprise party, but they were still surprised.
We did alot of time-consuming games and other stuff like that.
In the end we showed them a farewell video.
Some were so touched untill they cried.
We went back late. Guess that's all.

I can't eleborate on things that happened a few days ago.
It's just too long ago.

Let me tell you a story.

Once there was a girl by the name of Kasumi. One day, she met a girl named Kilin.
They became good friends. One day, Kasumi made friends with someone called Kenji.
She made him her brother. Kilin too.
The two girls also made friends with a boy called Kotochii.
He was wierd and yet friendly. But somehow Kilin didn't like him much.

One day, Kilin, half jokingly, half seriously, smsed Kasumi.
'I think Kotochii likes you.'

She was punished.

Then one Friday, Kotochii sat next to Kasumi. Very closely.
And she had a certain feeling about him, and it was a bad one.
Kilin too.

Kilin, Kasumi and Kenji went out together in the afternoon.
Kotochii stalked. He gave her a lollipop.
She refused.

And somehow Kilin knew that for Kasumi's sake and for her own, she must get rid of Kotochii.

And that is what she will do.

I woke up from a nice dream to be greeted by a toothbrush.
And yes, I was late, but what do you expect?
At least Chris was later. I think.
So we lugged ourselves to Bishan, which was not as far as we thought.
Meet Dominic and Chi Lin, and jaywalked to the stadium.

We were a little enthu, then the sun came out.
As we had the honour of sitting in the front row, we tapped into our hiddent chlorophasts and tried to photosynthesise.
We failed. And ended up hungry.
Tried to cook an egg on our heads. Couldn't find an egg.

Cheered until we couldn't cheer.
Kasumi became emo for 2 mins.

Sports meet ended.
At last. Chris, Kasumi and I headed for Junction 8.
Kasumi had a stalker. We tried to shake him off, but he was persistent.
Went to the toilet. He turned back.
Looked at some resturants, he found us again.
He knew what was going on. He wanted to give her a lollipop, but she refused.
I never saw her face like that before.
The Little Princess.

Tried to shake him off again. Another one of my ideas. He followed. We hid Kasumi. Chris went missing. Irritating.

When he finally left, we ate at MacDonalds.
"Watch out," I told Kasumi. I hope she heeds.
Went home. Took the MRT. Chris nearly got chopped into half.
At one stop, Chris got dragged out. Went back in again.

Alighted. Chris went in circles. I blindly followed.
Back home. Tired.


Watch out Kasumi, this will not be the last time it will happen.
You have a bad feeling about him, so do I.
I wonder if he can even be counted as a friend anymore.
And I'll have a feeling he'll blame me for this.

There is something wrong and I can feel it. This feeling that involves me and some others.
That things are'nt as they seem.
But it can't settle.
It can't seem to. So I can only get to the bottom of this.

Hmm...To access the GTS, I need a wifi-spot. A working one.
And I need to wave it all over. If I end up on the roof....

Well. There is nothing left to say about them.

And I will know. It can only hide for so long. I will find out one day.

Rule number one: Misspelling is a virtue. So is childishness. I can go on in great detail ( very great detail ) and Kasumi can tell the rest what 'Great Detail' means.
But I won't kill you.
No details.
Just let you think about it.

Kelly didn't come today. Didn't see her at all.
Knew something was missing.

My dear Kasumi, you suspect too much. Me, Molly and Shi Jing were just whispering rubbish.
And saying the words YUN SHI, CHRISTOPHER and DOMINIC very loudly.
Though a little too loud. It was on purpose.


And you get angry too fast.
I like to joke, make fun of, etc.
But it pure fun. It's obvious.
And you get angry for no reason at all. Then you turn to me and force yourself to smile.
It really spooks me out.
And I play along, wondering when you would really cool down.
Is is just mood swings or is it something more?

And I am desprately trying to improve, so don't critisise so openly.

There. All I need to say. The rest I'll say it myself.

You didn't 'pat' me, Kasumi. You hit me. If that's what you call 'patting', then good thing you don't have a dog/cat/whatever you fancy.

And you had no right to scream at me in the bus.
I only said he liked you, and I never said you liked anyone.
But you are hitting me on his behalf, I can understand.
Yes, I do.

I checked, and the toilet is not broken. The next flush will.
So I won't use it.
Let someone else do the honours.

I'm overdue so lets skip to now.

I already told you Kasumi you are chio and my 'machine' is perfectly fine.
And stealing other people's food is something you learnt from me.
And you know it's really dangerous...
And I'll tell you why.
Tuesday when you come, help me hack into my own memory card.
And maybe hack into my Pokemon cartrage too.
And explore all four corners of my computer.

And the excursion was fine... It was too short to do much, anyway.
Kasumi, you are not a tomboy. You are just trying to be one.
So dun make any excuse. Or fake it.
I took more 'mellows' than you 'cause you slept.

I'm gonna pawnded my CCA on 18 July.
Don't any of you make any noise about it.

Kelly, your 'eyes' are great.
Except the cat-girl.

Well, this is done on the sly so don't expect me to elaborate.
Ta-ta.

I'm way overdue.
Big, beady eyes, innocent look only gets me half an hour.
So I'll try to make this quick.

To Yingie: Work more on your blog. See the comment.

To Hannie: I'm gonna kill you on Sat. Plus, I think you made my friend overexcited at a certain pic...

To Kasumi: Watch out. And finish that comic fast!

To Gen: Miss yar! Must come colours of life horrr! Play Audi often horr! Or msn with me and Jing (:

To Jing: Dun worry I'll keep you company on MSN while your evil brother takes over the GOOD computer.

To Mel: Why you always so pro... Must grow taller hors... (:

To Kelly: Jy's on the comic!!! Oh, and write down the swear words you sweared to Desmund and provide the translation. Thanks. I'm inspired.

Hmmm.
I wonder if I missed out anyone.
Never mind.

I was concerned for her. That's all. I'm not intrested in a lame book like that.
Read: Twin Princesses in Wonder Planet.
Even the title makes me want to puke.
Open the book and you see people with BIG eyes. Mostly the girls.
And they run around and scream like-
like brats.
And how do I know all that? I didn't read it. In the middle of the book, between two pages, I saw it. I didn't even read what they said.
And because I took that cursed book she screams and accuses me of reading it and LIKING it.
Something that will never happen.
She poked a little into the sensitive part. Poke once, I'll let you off. Poke twice, you die. Even if you're a friend.
So I rammed her into the wall.
You know what happens if you read too much romance novels or comics or watch too many romance shows. If you're older, you become like my mum. Or you fall in love so easily, wanting to be like the characters in the book... And get taken advantage of.
Keep your head.
The book is poison. Poisons your brain.
So now she wantssome one to give her a rose or a balloon. But I can't give it to her. Not this time.
Birthdays are more important than Valentines Day. Unless you're lovestruck like her.
So I asked Chi Lin to buy her a rose. He refused.

It's fun. I like doing it.
You know abit more about yourself even though you might not except it.
But if you don't like it you don't have to post it.
And this quiz things are the only ways you can find out about me.
I'm not going to tell you.

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from.And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi.Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

So what. All the ideas are in my head and they keep in my head.
And they don't come out.
Oh Shit.

You Act Like You Are 20 Years Old

You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up. The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

Your Inner Gender is Male

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant. You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness. You truly don't understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men. No doubt about it. You're a guy - at least on the inside.

Note: I'm a girl.

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye. You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature. And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance. You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life. You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

Not that I like Saturn anyway.

You Are 90% Boyish and 10% Girlish

You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it. You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive. Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself. You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.

Haha.

Nice.

What Bug Means

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

Nicer.

You Are 40% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

Nicest.

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading...You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose.Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily.But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

Haha. I guess you have an idea of how I'm like.
Oh yes, I'm a bad enemy.
Best not to get into my bad books and like it.

So some teachers don't like the way I write. Not that I can help it. It's my style. I used to read alot of books as a kid, mostly fiction. But one day, I suddenly had my own ideas about things, and stopped. You can call me narrow minded, but I just didn't like most of the ideas other people had. So I stopped. I still read fiction, but those nonsensical types which talk about life in a diffrent perspective, usally in a way that you need to think about it to understand. I love those types. They give you a blank, content feeling. Of emptiness. But still content. And it gets you thinking. So I end up writing like them, with words that aren't that obvious.
And the teachers don't like it.
Always.
I try to change, but I always end up like that.
Because that's my style.
And nothing but influence can change it. It's a fact.

I'm sorry if the last few posts seem a little emo...
I'm kinda stressed, but it'll go away soon. Just be patient.
So everyone is counting down the days to the 6th of Febuary, where we can go and visit old friends and teachers.
Faraway schools mean less chances, but we have chances all the same.
And we have many things to talk about, and hopefully no homework.
Oh, and Kasumi, I love your blog.
I'll tag regularly.

I look back through the photographs. The ones of the BBQ. Where I stepped to one side, and captured the memories nobody wanted to forget.
Everyone, drenched, clothes plastered to their skin.
The laughter, the fun.
Now there is a pain. Small, unnoticed.
A few days after, some of us cried. The fear, the fear of letting go. It will fade away slowly, what you don't want to lose will disappear from your mind.
It will be forgotten.
And one day you meet at the bus stop, and no more than a nod.
What we want to do, need to do.
To forget.
We are worlds apart, and will always be.
But not everyone makes it across.
And those will be with you.
Only those.

It sucks. That's all I can say about it. Maybe it's the teacher. Or maybe it's both the teacher and the subject. But I'm not the only one. The whole class thinks that way. So I'm certain it's not me, but the teacher. But when the first thing you do when you step in class is to start scolding everyone and pick on the class chairman... And the fact that you're a widow doesn't help.
So everyone curses under their breath. So do I.

So the PSLE's over....
Got 241....
Went to Temasek....
Appealed to Chong Cheng ( Main )...
Got in...
Now...
And now it's like every normal day except you're missing some people and making new friends and having new teachers and you move about the school like you've been there all your life even though you know and everybody knows that you've barely been here.
Nobody talks about their past and to old friends nobody talks about their future.
" I'm missing you. "
Almost everyone says that. Mostly the girls. Boys don't really like to speak to anyone about their feelings.
But we all know they miss their friends too.
I dunno about the rest, but I think me and Dwayne are the only ones that went to a school with almost no one we knew.
Running into the future but clinging to the past... Now I know how it feels.
But everyone knows there's only one option: go into the future or stay in the past.
But the good thing is that the past always follows behind you.
Especially if it's a good past.

It's over at last... I mean the huge relief when you have completed the last paper and all you want to do is lie down and sleep. In the news, the over-sensitive parents keep on complaining about the hard maths paper. It was not that hard. Only some of the questions were. All I want to do is lie down and sleep... The weight is gone and I feel like I'm flying...
I'll only get a DS if I get 240 and above ( for my agregate ) so all I can do is pray.
It's over now, and I am relieved...

After school, it rained very heavily. I had to borrow an umbrella from my friend. I was still drenched. I was locked outside the house because there was no one at home and I did not have the key. My blog was deleted, so all I have is this.